| Wednesday, December 29, 2004 | |
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friend: but then it doesn't mean we don't expect from others... kaps_always: ya kaps_always: its better not to expect. kaps_always: coz if the others do smthing.. friend: i know its that we expect n so feel dissapointed n all... kaps_always: that fulfills ur expectations.. kaps_always: it wud make u happy kaps_always: very happy kaps_always: and it wil be sudden kaps_always: coz u are not expecting friend: n its really easy to say "we shudn't expect" which is actually 100% correct... kaps_always: ofcourse kaps_always: its impossible kaps_always: to implement kaps_always: not feasable kaps_always: but again... kaps_always: y have any margins?? friend: but then being human beings with emotions sentiments feelings........ which can't be removed from our existnce..... we can't stop it!! kaps_always: u never know..when u cross that '"dissappointment" margin kaps_always: yes kaps_always: right friend: i know what u saying.... kaps_always: its all abt reducing the pain kaps_always: I know wat i am saying is not pracitcal kaps_always: but wheneever i will cm bak and read this kaps_always: i wil come back kaps_always: gte back to the roots kaps_always: to the beginning kaps_always: its for me to read...later on! kaps_always: i hope u get it friend: u expect... if not fulfilled u get hurt... then u learn a lesson that "i shudn't expect 'this' from this 'person'..." but we can't n rather shudn't generalise it to everyone.... n we don't even generalise it to some other thing wrt to the same person..... friend: yes i know... kaps_always: right friend: n its actually speaking a really nice blog... coz' its quite difficult to put down such things/thoights in words.... friend: n i am not ATTACKING ur blog... kaps_always: i know friend: just sharing my view... kaps_always: am not defending either kaps_always: :) friend: ok gud... kaps_always: ya.. kaps_always: u are rite kaps_always: that we shud list down kaps_always: wat not to expect kaps_always: from this person friend: we do... friend: all of us do... kaps_always: but we hv to start from the min level. kaps_always: thats wat i want to be there in my mind..always.. kaps_always: ofcourse we set limits for each person.. kaps_always: and treat each person..differently friend: but then though most of the times i feel u shudn't expect... friend: sometimes i feel why shudn't u expect?!?! kaps_always: :( kaps_always: same here friend: coz' expectations r not from strangers walking on the road... kaps_always: so take the safest road friend: they r from ppl who have some place in ur life... friend: who mean something to u... kaps_always: yes.. friend: u do something for them or feel something for them or say something to them.... n expect same or atleast something in return.... friend: n i really don't understand what's wrong in that!?!?! kaps_always: nothing wrong.! kaps_always: but u expect.. kaps_always: coz u know.. kaps_always: that they wud do so.. kaps_always: its not really expecting..its like..u know.. friend: i feel there's nothing like "safest" road..... its only once u venture on the road that u realise that its safe or unsafe... what say?!?! friend: didn't get it... kaps_always: i mean..as u said..u mentally set that limit for each person kaps_always: most of the timees friend: limit of what... kaps_always: the things u get in return kaps_always: limit of wat u shd be expecting friend: ok kaps_always: the things u get in return are very near to that limit kaps_always: i shud ave written.. kaps_always: that expect realistically kaps_always: from others kaps_always: that comes down to . kaps_always: "do not overexpect from urself" kaps_always: thats wen u begin to expect a lot from others kaps_always: others i mean...ppl in ur life kaps_always: not strangers friend: but when u expect something... from your side its very much realistic... coz' u often feel "if i can do this/give this/be like this/say this" then y can't the other person do the same?!?!?!kaps_always: every one is not u friend: n what does that mean?!?!? if i may ask..... friend: do u by any chance mean.... that we shud set limits for what we give coz' only when n what u give if what u expect?!?! coz' if its this... i totally agree... n believe in this... but kapil... its not even easy to set limits for urself while giving in... coz' if u r being ur true self then u don't even get to think abt any limits!!! kaps_always: well..it depends.. friend: waiting for answer to both.... kaps_always: ya kaps_always: by everyone is not u..i mean nothing personal friend: then.... kaps_always: just that..wat u think is easy for a person to do...(coz u do..that.)..is actually not kaps_always: he/she may think diffent kaps_always: and the sec part kaps_always: i really dont mean that u expect wat u give.. kaps_always: such ppl are rare...who only give kaps_always: and not expect friend: ok... before u misinterpret my point of what u give is what u expect..... a hypothetical example.... kaps_always: who* kaps_always: k friend: if i mail u.... i expect... either a reply in return... or some acknowlgmnt that u got my mail... kaps_always: ya friend: so its not just that i give a mail n get a mail... friend: but something related to what i give?!? friend: i don't know if i am making sense to u... friend: maybe not a gud enough example... friend: but hope u can get my point! kaps_always: am tryin to understand,:) friend: nevermind.... kaps_always: samjhao..:( friend: ok another try... kaps_always: ya..sure kaps_always: :) kaps_always: dimaag kam hai..my fault :( friend: if i share everything abt my life with a friend.... i don't expect that she will also tell me each n everything abt her life coz' she maynot treat me as good a friend as i do... or may not trust me as much as i do... or maynot think its necessary for us to know each n everything abt each other's life... or has some other friend she can share all such info with...... kaps_always: ya...but sharing is not giving kaps_always: it depends on wat kind of friend friend: but then when i share with my friend... i automatically expect that she will listen to me... n will share things with me whenever she wants to.... kaps_always: and if she does not..share kaps_always: u feel hurt friend: but "giving" is not materialistic giving.... its what u "give-in" in a relationship... which cud be in forms of talkig, sharing, time, emotions anything?!?!?! friend: ya... that's what... expect n get hurt... n learn... kaps_always: coz u wanted to know abt her...coz u think sheez is yr fren kaps_always: and u will be happy kaps_always: if she shares kaps_always: how do u know that she too will be happy? friend: kapil kapil kapil............. it was a hypothetical eg to differentiate between what we give n what we expect may or maynot be the same... but its related to what we give............. kaps_always: got ur point abt givin kaps_always: ya got it friend: it was not a real life eg.... kaps_always: ya..i i know.. kaps_always: but thats wat friend: n i know "its wrong" n unrealistic to expect that she too shares.... kaps_always: how do u know that the other person will be happy friend: but plz. leave this eg........... kaps_always: while she/he fulfills ur expectations friend: i am not to think wheteher or not the opther person is happy or not..... friend: am not living his/her life.... kaps_always: yes...but when he/she does not fulfill ur expect kaps_always: its coz he /she is not comfortable with it kaps_always: but u expect kaps_always: not knowing kaps_always: this.. kaps_always: and u get hurt kaps_always: dont expect kaps_always: *this* from *that* person kaps_always: u learn Summary I know what I said in my last blog is not at all practical. I am Human. I will expect. But, what I want from myself is to expect the least from others. In that direction, I need to be lil harsh. I should be saying to myself all the time..'expect nothing'.... knowing, that the Human in me will expect anyways. But it will be limited. Strange thinking, I know. I still need to implement this and see if it works. Quite possible, that I will end up believing that I was wrong. This again reminds me the purpose (one of them!) of these blogs. Whenever I come back to them (later on) I want to see the changes..thoughts..feelings I went through. Personal Musings :) Sorry for the long chat discussion above. Again, its for me to read. If you have time and energy..read it..else chuck it. More than welcome to do so. I dont expect :) Thanks a lot friend! 2:28 AM |